I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
