I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize