my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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