I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
