We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
