I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
