Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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