i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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