Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
