some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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