May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The uberlube is also flammable
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
