Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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