You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
