At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
