This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
