Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
