It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
