he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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