my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
