the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
