dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
