If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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