so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
