I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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