Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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