how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
