dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
