just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
