all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.