I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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