dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i've created a new STD.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
