i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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