Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..

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  (360): No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down.. http://tfl.nu/yoii
  Replies (15) Good night (1639) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (4971) Bad night (1306)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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  (410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job. http://tfl.nu/iasx
  Replies (12) Good night (551) Bad night (3097)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4409) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.

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  (814): you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving. http://tfl.nu/zfap
  Replies (14) Good night (995) Bad night (5539)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips

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  (630): I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips http://tfl.nu/376c
  Replies (7) Good night (5173) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka

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  (617): They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka http://tfl.nu/47bx
  Replies (4) Good night (4679) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

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  (701): I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?" http://tfl.nu/cr38
  Replies (12) Good night (4048) Bad night (1550)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2869) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied

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  (901): She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied http://tfl.nu/t1al
  Replies (7) Good night (1255) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".

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  (616): The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag". http://tfl.nu/vc6w
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Update: I may or may not be in a cult

  (424): View more from California

  Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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  (424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails

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  (703): I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails http://tfl.nu/g65f
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...

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  (603): I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you... http://tfl.nu/8249
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.

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  (334): Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks. http://tfl.nu/nhv4
  Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (659)

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