you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED