He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood