he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.