Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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  (619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64
  Replies (59) Good night (1015) Bad night (3725)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?

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  (781): did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt? http://tfl.nu/bzrm
  Replies (26) Good night (4277) Bad night (718)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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  (304): I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up. http://tfl.nu/ory7
  Replies (46) Good night (4044) Bad night (1609)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

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  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
  Replies (28) Good night (7237) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

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  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (31) Good night (13789) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

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  (810): Whats the count minus fat chicks? http://tfl.nu/9ldi
  Replies (28) Good night (1238) Bad night (3833)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3235) Bad night (2024)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.

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  (516): It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night. http://tfl.nu/9z84
  Replies (6) Good night (2667) Bad night (623)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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  (908): My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this. http://tfl.nu/dlh8
  Replies (10) Good night (2413) Bad night (780)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there

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  (570): I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there http://tfl.nu/1aoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2107) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Smooth sack

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  (864): I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf? (864): Smooth sack http://tfl.nu/a871
  Replies (12) Good night (1127) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.

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  (214): I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be. http://tfl.nu/287t
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus

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  (248): My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus http://tfl.nu/w26d
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs

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  (610): No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her. (1-610): That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs http://tfl.nu/zsmx
  Replies (5) Good night (1751) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS

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  (610): YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS http://tfl.nu/d44z
  Replies (5) Good night (385) Bad night (742)

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