Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

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  (914): he puts the penis in happiness. http://tfl.nu/m0tk
  Replies (29) Good night (4745) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.

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  (904): i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/yyq8
  Replies (68) Good night (4409) Bad night (1358)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (9154) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

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  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (40) Good night (6463) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

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  (856): and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show http://tfl.nu/o1xq
  Replies (4) Good night (3062) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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  (416): Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear http://tfl.nu/hv34
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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  (909): We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic. http://tfl.nu/24xb
  Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.

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  (724): I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed. http://tfl.nu/6i3f
  Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good

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  (847): This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good http://tfl.nu/2hdv
  Replies (8) Good night (1970) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"

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  (512): They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do" http://tfl.nu/5kcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2879) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"

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  (727): How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me" http://tfl.nu/2grd
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.

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  (604): I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants. http://tfl.nu/vm67
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...

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  (208): At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog... http://tfl.nu/j2fw
  Replies (4) Good night (255) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.

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  (720): Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality. http://tfl.nu/zwr4
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive

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  (602): If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive http://tfl.nu/rx6d
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (228)

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