I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.