So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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