If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
God, I missed his penis.
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