You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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