So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?