It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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