i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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