I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.