So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
