yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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