Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
