FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize