and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
