I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
