I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
