i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
