she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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