she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize