Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
