I'm gonna have a badass scar
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I smell stomach acid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
