I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
