Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
