i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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