I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize