playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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