So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
