I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
