Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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