We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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