Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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