Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
