apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
