I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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