Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
