I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
