after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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