look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
