I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
