There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
