He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
