The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
