This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
