also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
