how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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