Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
