i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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