He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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