wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
