Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
