you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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