Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
